Screw Yoga for Weight Loss /// Why Not Do Yoga For Beauty? /// Also, We Mention Dwarves

Think it’s time we moved on from someone else, and brought in a fresh perspective. Good ol’ Rainbeau Mars.

Yoga for Weight Loss or Yoga for Beauty? It’s just so hard to choose!  It’s like I’m being forced to decide between using two equally un-awesome toilets at a Jersey Shore dive bar on “Dollar Shots Night.” In the end, you know it’s best to just hold it or bounce to the nearest Starbucks.

Ugh…. These videoooooooooooooooos……..!

Remember back in the day when everyone was all up in George W. B’s face ’cause basically the dude just strung together a bunch of positive words people supposedly identified with (like “freedom,” “America,” and, well, “freedom”), and then called the cesspool of Patriotic slurry that manifested some sort of public endorsement to bomb brown people and their children? Calling something “Yoga for Beauty” is kinda like that, only without all that Fallujah distraction.

Rainbeau Mars as “Child’s Pose”

We all know what “beauty” means in the context of “these” types of videos, even if we (thankfully) really have no frickin’ idea what beauty means! Here, it’s code for “sexy” and “skinny,” because in our culture “sexy” and “skinny” mean “beauty.” Weird how that works. And yet, people want you to believe this thing called “beauty” is about something called “inner beauty.” But, let’s be real. It’ll take a morbidly obese dwarf leading the class for anyone to start thinking, “Yeah. This video is about what’s ‘inside’….”

Beauty:

“Studies have shown that ovulating heterosexual women and homosexual men prefer faces with masculine traits associated with increased exposure to testosterone during key developmental stages, such as a broad forehead, relatively longer lower face, prominent chin and brow, chiseled jaw and high cheekbones.”

Say wha?

Apparently, you also need to look ripped out of your dome.

Breast beauty:

“Research has shown that some men enjoy viewing women’s breasts,[95] and another study showed that men prefer symmetrical breasts,[70][96] but some studies show men preferring large, firm breasts,[97][98] while a contradictory study of British undergraduates found men preferring small breasts on women.[99] Cross-culturally, another study found “high variability” regarding the ideal breast size.[99] Some researchers have speculated that a preference for larger breasts may have developed in Western societies because women with larger breasts tend to have higher levels of the hormones oestradial and progesterone, which both promote fertility.[100]

Conclusion: men like breasts.

But, get this…. This ain’t even about beauty in the body! This whole beauty/weight-loss thang is really about money. And, not the money that can be made from peddling schlock. Nope. That’s just the immediate happy byproduct. What we’re talking about is the entire culture of money—a veritable psychosis of accumulation—with a touch of commodity fetishism for good luck.

Because, if when we’re talking about selling yoga for the promise of beauty, we’re talking about physical attractiveness, then what we’re really talking about is physical attractiveness as “sexual capital“—the ability to use this capital for outside gains, male, female, or anywhere across the spectrum. This, in turn, means we’re talking about sexual capital as the ability to accumulate goods and possessions, which in turn means we’re really talking about consumerism. That’s right, kiddies. Yoga for Beauty and Yoga for Weight Loss are about accumulation. It’s not about you. It’s not even about your body.

Someone should write a very smart easy-to-read article on this.

22 comments

  1. tk

    I think you missed the point of your own argument, especially as it exists within the context of yoga. All the Warriors in the world are not going to change the symmetry of my breasts or cup size. They won’t do a thing to the distance between my eyes or the shape of my chin. Nor will they do anything to my effective height. This is not about beauty it’s about marketing feelings of inadequacy and self-loathing while offering snake oil in return. The sad thing is that yoga can help with that – by teaching you not to give a rat’s ass about losers who. Would try to take advantage of you and building up your sense of your own intrinsic value. Lame.

  2. Didn’t make it past the 1st minute– nauli for beginners???

  3. Emily

    She’s awful– why didn’t they give this poor dumb girl a script? As for the weight loss/beauty/$$$-ifying of yoga, it’s thoroughly unsurprising, since hucksters like Rodney Yee and John Friend have been shilling this stuff for years. Blame Gaiam! It’s just more in our faces now because of these idiotic yoga festivals, where people can worship at the altar of the body while spending crazy amounts of money on yogalebrities and the image of “peace, love, shri.” Give it a couple more years, and they’ll all move on to the next craze.

  4. Do you know how close I’d come to getting this DVD?

    They were out of it, so I’d picked up Yogilates 2 instead. Screw beauty or thinness. I guess the promise of developing functional strength didn’t exactly fly off the shelves a couple of years ago. But I was more than satisfied with my resulting purchase.

    LOVE beauty (out of a jar, anyway …) – but I think it actually is more the cool feel of the product in my hand and on my skin, its luminescent color … and the act of pampering myself, rather than the end-“result” of its (repeated) use …

  5. gross

    they already are moving on to something else. this woman is insane, i TRIED to exhale my judgement and anything other things not harmonious. also, that inhale through her MOUTH was interesting.

  6. Rainbeau Mars should hook up with Dimitri the Lover

  7. Yoga Dude

    Kissinger was right.

  8. Yoga Whine

    The stage reminds me of “American Bandstand” — but the “dancers” are yoga mummies. I half expected them to wheel out Dick Clark’s corpse for spiritual inspiration.

  9. Timely! I had the impulse to write something right along these lines just yesterday “you are perfect just as you were”
    http://www.thetopofmymind.com/2012/08/you-are-perfect-just-as-you-were.html

  10. Yogadear

    Why do you leave Tara Stiles alone? She is arguably the worst, with her English-only (no Sanskrit-that’s too creepy) brand of Yoga. She’s always promoting weight loss with her Yoga practice, even though she should gain about 20. It seems strange that you leave her alone with all the “Yoga Bleaching” she partakes in.

  11. perfect post in so many ways.. my inner writer is constantly inspired by your wit. Thank you for constantly putting out such unique content!

  12. The P

    Couldn’t be more cliche L.A. .. plastic-fantastic

    I’ll see your Rainbeau (ick) yoga for beauty starlet and raise you TWO Yoga Booty Goddesses


    “My enriched inner beauty is now reflected in my outer body” .. and there are so many more where these come from. I bet the big name yogalebrities consider themselves to be in a different class than the Rainbeau’s (ick again!) and yoga booty goddesses but, truth is, the only difference is they have more $$ for a slicker looking production. Then again, isn’t it all about how it/you/they looks??

  13. @yogadear, you really have a point. If you are going to market yoga for fitness, one has to address the “underweight” or hyperthyroid problems in the world. All fitness programs, including aerobics before yoga became popular, have addressed this. Oh, I see. Being overweight gets conflated with the “not being green enough” and other kinds of greenwashing sanctimoniousness …And Weight Watchers and a few outlier fitness programs had done THAT better, back in the ’70s …

  14. Greenpoint

    holy shiva, who are the people with money who think this is a good idea? those are the people who need to be stopped…

  15. Rocko

    I’d bang her

  16. yogaweed

    I want a dais…

  17. All I can say is… WOW! I am praying for you all and sending you all lots of love… compassion and deep inner beauty. Bless. Rainbeau

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