Last time we commented on an Amy Ippoliti YouTube video we were threatened with legal action (not by Amy). [DELETED LAUNDRY LIST OF EXPLETIVES DIRECTED AT SOME @$#*%!]. Nevertheless, here we are with another video on how to grow your yoga business.
According to the YouTube page,
“The number one way to build yoga community from scratch is to host regular beginner series, but how do you reach out to brand new people? Learn the A to Z process to getting new yogis through the door, keep them there, and watch your community grow.”
Ahhh…. Nothing says “community” like getting people to walk into your yoga studio and then keeping them there! Mwahahahaha….
Anyway, we’re really not interested in courses (like the $99 one mentioned above) or videos that teach random, un-vetted, yoga enthusiasts how to attract “brand new people” to something they may or may not be qualified to teach. We’re certainly not interested in the best ways to lure “yogis” (who, if they were “yogis,” you’d think would be rather un-lurable) “through the door.” I swear, with every passing day of the apocalypse this stuff starts sounding more and more like spew from a “householder yoga tradition” obsessed with becoming a “homeowner yoga confidence trick.”
The video discusses how awesome it would be to start a yoga beginner’s series “right at the height of resolution season” when all sorts of people, whom I am to assume will be filled with guilty consciences, will be wanting to “try yoga.” Sigh…. I suppose one person’s “offering a service of yoga” is another’s “taking advantage of people’s yearly self-hate-fest.” Think of all those fat fruits ripe for the picking!
Personally, I find language such as that above—despite its cheery delivery—to wreak of some serious people-as-commodity Crazy Bald Head shiz. I mean, the whole get-them-during-resolution-season thing is almost creepy. It’s lazy lowest-common-denominator BS that seems to pretend to be self-aware of its own jargon (Like, I know it’s lame to speak in cheap marketing speak, but that’s what makes it funny), but slathering it on top-to-bottom in an effort to snag a few floundering potentials.
Nevertheless, by signing up for the course you’ll also receive:
- “sample marketing messages on social media, email, and your website” (so, basically, spam)
- “a checklist to keep you on target” (I hope they include the pencil, otherwise, HOW AM I GONNA CHECK THINGS OFF????)
- “step-by-step instructions on everything you’re gonna need to launch and execute your own beginner’s series” (not sure what this includes, but might have something to do with teaching you how to make an “event page” on your Facebook profile, which any of us here would be happy to offer you for free)
- some “Q&A” time with Amy in order to ask questions (if this is real, this could actually be helpful)
- “top-secret sample curriculums [sic] you can use to guide your self and your teaching”
- a sample year-long curriculum to help you teach basic drop-in classes”
Phew. That’s a lot! Is it worth ninety-nine bananas? That’s up to you. It sounds like you could get a lot of this sitting down and talking with your closest lobotomized friend who’s never stepped foot in a yoga studio (and kept there! [spooky voice]), but, if you’re short on friends such as those, this course might be your thing.
I will say this: I like watching Amy talk off the cuff more than I do MC Yogi (Remember? From Monday?). There’s something very innocent about her delivery. Then again, I suppose MC Yogi sounds innocent, too. Erg! If he’s innocent, and she’s innocent, then I suppose everyone is, in some way, innocent. I guess the whole damn world must be innocent! Damn it! We’re out of a gig.
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