This Amy Ippoliti Video is Intended to Help You “Get Yogis Through the Door” /// Entire Babs Crew Gets Covered in its Own Projectile Vomit

Last time we commented on an Amy Ippoliti YouTube video we were threatened with legal action (not by Amy). [DELETED LAUNDRY LIST OF EXPLETIVES DIRECTED AT SOME @$#*%!]. Nevertheless, here we are with another video on how to grow your yoga business.

According to the YouTube page,

“The number one way to build yoga community from scratch is to host regular beginner series, but how do you reach out to brand new people? Learn the A to Z process to getting new yogis through the door, keep them there, and watch your community grow.”

Ahhh…. Nothing says “community” like getting people to walk into your yoga studio and then keeping them there! Mwahahahaha….

Anyway, we’re really not interested in courses (like the $99 one mentioned above) or videos that teach random, un-vetted, yoga enthusiasts how to attract “brand new people” to something they may or may not be qualified to teach. We’re certainly not interested in the best ways to lure “yogis” (who, if they were “yogis,” you’d think would be rather un-lurable) “through the door.” I swear, with every passing day of the apocalypse this stuff starts sounding more and more like spew from a “householder yoga tradition” obsessed with becoming a “homeowner yoga confidence trick.”

The video discusses how awesome it would be to start a yoga beginner’s series “right at the height of resolution season” when all sorts of people, whom I am to assume will be filled with guilty consciences, will be wanting to “try yoga.” Sigh…. I suppose one person’s “offering a service of yoga” is another’s “taking advantage of people’s yearly self-hate-fest.” Think of all those fat fruits ripe for the picking!

It's easy!

It’s easy!

Personally, I find language such as that above—despite its cheery delivery—to wreak of some serious people-as-commodity Crazy Bald Head shiz. I mean, the whole get-them-during-resolution-season thing is almost creepy. It’s lazy lowest-common-denominator BS that seems to pretend to be self-aware of its own jargon (Like, I know it’s lame to speak in cheap marketing speak, but that’s what makes it funny), but slathering it on top-to-bottom in an effort to snag a few floundering potentials.

Nevertheless, by signing up for the course you’ll also receive:

  • “sample marketing messages on social media, email, and your website” (so, basically, spam)
  • “a checklist to keep you on target” (I hope they include the pencil, otherwise, HOW AM I GONNA CHECK THINGS OFF????)
  • “step-by-step instructions on everything you’re gonna need to launch and execute your own beginner’s series” (not sure what this includes, but might have something to do with teaching you how to make an “event page” on your Facebook profile, which any of us here would be happy to offer you for free)
  • some “Q&A” time with Amy in order to ask questions (if this is real, this could actually be helpful)
  • “top-secret sample curriculums [sic] you can use to guide your self and your teaching”
  • a sample year-long curriculum to help you teach basic drop-in classes”

Phew. That’s a lot! Is it worth ninety-nine bananas? That’s up to you. It sounds like you could get a lot of this sitting down and talking with your closest lobotomized friend who’s never stepped foot in a yoga studio (and kept there! [spooky voice]), but, if you’re short on friends such as those, this course might be your thing.

I will say this: I like watching Amy talk off the cuff more than I do MC Yogi (Remember? From Monday?). There’s something very innocent about her delivery. Then again, I suppose MC Yogi sounds innocent, too. Erg! If he’s innocent, and she’s innocent, then I suppose everyone is, in some way, innocent. I guess the whole damn world must be innocent! Damn it! We’re out of a gig.

____________________

NOTE: All unsubstantiated claims in the comments about real living humans (like, “So-and-so is a jerkoff who acts like a jerkoff to other jerkoffs,” etc.) will be deleted. If you need further information on this, read the bottom of this page. Remember, the sticky amorphous walls of the interwebs have frail egos and bloodshot eyes, and they’ll (try and) sue to protect them.

62 comments

  1. Dyspeptic Skeptic

    Amy knows that there is a large pool of unskilled unimaginative wannabes who call themselves yoga teachers that are having trouble attracting students. Rather than waiting till they actually have the skills to teach, she is willing to sacrifice the general public to be injured by these “yoga professionals”. She is extolling the sales adage of: Make up in numbers what you lack in skills. This is the most disturbing part of the yoga culture today. It is all about the “teacher” and much less about the student.

    • I feel safer practicing yoga at home. To my own sequence many times (so you all won’t be reaching me online all the time, either 🙂 )
      If only to shield my developing soul and psyche from the endless river of sales pitches by those wannabes who would call themselves yoga teachers …

      • amphibi1yogini

        Technically, I am still a beginner … after years.

        Yoga teachers, don’t listen to this Amy: It will be your loss. These beginners will take the hermetically-sealed 6 week “beginners’ series”, do the research online (without paying much, if they even have to pay) that you as a yoga teacher were too greedy to provide except as a “taste” … just provide unlimited or extremely generous expiration dates on your discounted class packs. Sure, you may have to put up with curiosity seekers.

        But that would keep students in your classes.

        • amphibi1yogini

          “Get them during resolution season”: I almost missed that.con
          Did it ever occur to these “yoga” teachers that their main competition during “resolution season” among late-adopting yoga PROSPECTS (I call it like I see it) is the gym? And that the gym offers very user-friendly yoga. Little to no tapas involved.

          I can say that, because I do think generating tapas in a yoga class is overrated, when the tapas is actually to be found in daily living … took me years to come to that conclusion …

    • “This is the most disturbing part of the yoga culture today. It is all about the “teacher” and much less about the student.”

      FOR THE WIN

  2. amphibi1yogini

    “I swear, with every passing day of the apocalypse this stuff starts sounding more and more like spew from a “householder yoga tradition” obsessed with becoming a “homeowner yoga confidence trick.””

    It occurred to me that this could also be multilevel-marketing of a fashion. Make a franchise brand amongst better-heeled students who “want to open their own studio” …

    • Garuda

      Ippoliti’s base is not yoga students, it is new yoga teachers and broadening that base. I mean why get 300butts on the floor, per month practicing asana at $15 for a group lesson, when you can sell YTT to 20 butts to pay $4,000 up front and only have to actually teach them every other weekend? Ippolitti is a John Friend protege’ . Soon amy will have her own naughty porn scandal so she can Relaunch herself as “New and Improved”…Yawn

  3. Yoga_Dude

    I can’t wait for part II, how to develop a cadre of interns and staffers who are either on work-study programs or are content with the limitations of a 1099 vs. a W-2. After you get the students – it becomes a cost management issue!

  4. mji

    Is she on some sort of medication?

  5. Itstrue

    Holy crap! Amy looks so eager she is chomping at the bit to get you to take over the world with Yoga! She is almost busting out of her own face to make it happen.

  6. please please please– by exposing me to all this stuff you may be forcing me into early(?) retirement. Or, no, wait. Instead of retiring I am going to offer my own 99CENT “resolution season” REtoxification retreat. Details coming soon.

    • Sounds like an iPhone app.

      You know, alexandra auder, I actually have more respect for stuff like that.

      [Actually, true to form, though—I am a reluctant Android user … actually wanted to get a dumbphone that takes pictures, but it’s not fast enough for the network around here …]

  7. Garuda

    I just love the comment about new years resolutionaries and her wry little condecending giggle at the thought of “Everyone and their Mother wants to try yoga…tee hee”. As though those poor, gullible overweight people will sooo get bilked through her magic ‘yoga’ skillset.

    • amphibi1yogini

      “Overweight” ? Now that’s a whole other trope … let’s not get into this Sadie Nardini territory ….

      And lettuce binges work better at managing this “overweight” than throwing yoga at us …

  8. People with big mouths, big smiles, big promises and big teeth remind me of Tony Robbins and that Jaws dude from the James Bond movies. They scare me.

  9. Greenpoint

    holy shiva that’s disturbing…who can look at that and say “yup, that’s a wrap, good to go”…

  10. Garuda

    In the tradition of her teacher John Friend, all I can ask is: WHAT ELSE COULD BE EXPECTED?

  11. Dyspeptic Skeptic

    Love the matching rudraksha beads. Think alike dress alike.

    • Garuda

      Holy shit…I mean really holy shit…I mean let me sell you my program on ” how to sell Really Holy Shit.”..I meant to say let med drop Ganeshas name and associate It with greed while sitting in a resort setting, then let me overdub the shit with Holy sounding music.7:15 of wordy wordsmithing that never never never says anything at all.

    • This kind of crap really pisses me off. This is what happens when you don’t keep watch closely and allow neo-liberal pro-capitalist jingoism infiltrate and bastardize spiritual traditions and healing modalities which actually matter to some people.
      Watching Christian televangelists like Jim Bakker or Jerry Falwell is a more honest endeavor than this. At least they don’t hide or sugarcoat who they really are…

      • amphibi1yogini

        You got that right … hypocrisy and disconnect make for great marketing tools … tell your prospective students they will relax and grow, then give them the most self-mortifying workout of their lives and get them hooked on you at the cellular level. Students stop showing up, now it’s time to work on yoga teachers !!!

    • The P

      This makes me extremely unhappy not to mention extremely uncomfortable. I’ve worked in academia for some time now and it is hard for me to accept that a tenured professor would leverage off of years of respected professional work to shill for a quickie “let’s make money off of this” scheme. Maybe that sounds silly to some (and maybe it is) but it is the work culture I come from and it is supposed to carry with it a certain level of professional integrity. A part of me wants to make excuses or rationalizations for why this isn’t true or he really meant XYZ or he was naive and got suckered into this. But there it is staring me in the face..

      • Garuda

        Douglas B was staring at Amy’s breasts throughout the intro . While he listened to the sound of his own integrity swirl down the drain.

        • The P

          Well, I have been in many a workshop with Douglas and he does not strike me as a lascivious fellow, so I don’t think pervy boob staring was going on there – not his style at all. He does seem, hmmm, not entirely comfortable in the conversation to me but I guess only he knows what was going on inside his head that day.

          I’m just disappointed. I guess everybody is full of shit in some way and probably so am I .. and you and you and you .. and you too!

        • Garuda

          I stand corrected. Perhaps he was just avoiding eye contact with Amy. I mean the eyebrow dancing alone is like a Jedi Mind Trick

    • What’s so silly about this video is that it ultimately proposes a bit of a strawman argument. As if to say that making money from teaching yoga is the point of contention. I don’t know really anyone who says yoga should be free (I actually know a few people, but they are a true minority). From my perspective, what’s most contested in yoga discourse is the rationalization of wealth accumulation through yogic endeavors. When wealthy yogilebrities say “I should be able to make a living teaching yoga” their standard of living is usually WAY above the standard in the US. It’s wealth. Which is not even to say that wealth accumulation is inherently anti-yogic (though I believe that in order to acquire wealth one will usually step outside the practice), but rather that it is a definite site of temperature shifts and tensions.

      • They really should call themselves mind-body educators and separate themselves from traditional yogis. This may be a question of semantics, but it does represent a seismic shift. By owning the disconnect and the greed, and cautioning that they are not practicing yoga, then they could set up their pre-season all-star game and continue to promulgate the “sporting activity” and the endorsements that they chase so well. And may they play stadiums like Creflo Dollar and those who came before …

        I actually became a public pilates student (I practice any yoga at home) because of dealing with mind-body educators in yogis’ clothing … Even the pilates is about 15% tainted by yoga movements, but they are genuine and not ye olde carpetbaggers in for the fast buck and then on to the next territory …

        Oh, and the discounted class pack with the generous expiration date seals the deal. You can’t get THAT with yoga where I live …

        • amphibi1yogini

          Do you know that there is a yoga studio somewhere in the Southwestern U.S. that actually calls itself YogaSport .. ?
          I could be down with dealing with something like that … they are about halfway towards admitting the paradigm shift–they probably don’t know it yet … whether they think they’re teaching yoga or teaching in the style of a Kimberly Fowler wherein anything goes, I’m not quite sure and absolutely do not know. But they seem to know that they are in that nexus area ….

  12. The P

    BUT WAIT!!! If you order now you will get not one, not two but THREE checklists, a top secret sample curriculum and marketing strategy for speciality workshops guaranteed to flip those beginners into a lucrative steady client base, a customizable “brand wheel” to build your own brand identity, a free mala bead bracelet direct from India and 10 extra minutes to change the world making a total of 100 minutes of Amy all for the same low price!!!!!**

    It’s the ShamWow of yoga teacher business training

    **Limited supplies, shipping and handling charges not included

    • Garuda

      If only there was some convenient way that I could let Amy access my bank account directly….Om Gam Ganapate Namaha… Please Lord Ganesha, help me find a more expedient means of allowing Amy Ippoliti an even lazier way of selling yoga

      • amphibi1yogini

        You don’t wanna go there … I know of a studio founded by a former yoga studio owner that plays off the name … it had started out being “affordable”, but as with all such come-ons ….

    • gross

      a mala straight from india is 50cents.

  13. gross

    wtf is d brooks saying? what a bunch of assholes.

  14. Edward Staskus

    Monkey see, monkey do, monkey blown away by affable Amy…

  15. Linda-Sama

    just out of curiousity, why were you threatened with legal action? for posting a video and writing about it?

    • Ah. It’s never that simple. Some other time, maybe when this is all over, I’ll get into it.

      • Yoga Whelp

        “When this is all over…” Babs says! Like this cacamamie shit ever ends? Like Satan just ups and croaks one day — or just slithers his sorry ass away? These are the Walking Dead and they have infected what’s left of our planet.

  16. Yoga Whelp

    This video may actually be even better —

    “How to Beat the Summer Slowdown” that forces so many yoga studios to close!

    In business, there’s a very simple reason why there aren’t enough “consumers” buying enough of your product often enough to sustain you. It’s called —

    FAILURE TO ESTABLISH THE BRAND

  17. Yoga Whelp

    It took God 7 days to “create” the world.
    The Russian Revolution “shook” it in 10
    Now Amy wants to change it in an hour and a half.
    Mix Western ego, Hindu nomenclature, and monkey urine in a bowl
    Whip and serve.

  18. Rocko

    [COMMENT REMOVED]

  19. Pingback: Towards a New Economics …in Yoga? « The Shift Has Hit The Fan

  20. Thaddeus

    WTF. My only question is if I enroll and I contact Amy for hints and tips to attract the “infinite number of people who have not tried yoga,” (setting aside that apparently everyone and their mother already wants to try yoga during the new year, so I can’t imagine why I would need this in the first place), will she be referencing cue cards? I mean, seriously, I have serious reservations when someone can’t memorize a three minute speech. Seriously, I’m so flustered I can’t stop using “seriously.” Okay. But, seriously, three minutes ain’t that big a deal. You should be able to not only memorize this, but give it some “jazz hands” for goodness sake.

    • amphibi1yogini

      I am a nearly failed advanced Toastmaster, and even I’d hated that. I’d gone to a kind of Zen-type spirituality seminar given by a cute, practically high-fashion couple well known in international conscious psychology lecture circles; paid nice money for it too at that time. Looseleaf notebook in front of them and they’d practically read from it the whole time ….

  21. Yoga Whelp

    It’s just “life” in the Yoga Matrix. In another year, both pills will be blue. Do you want the dark blue pill, or the light blue pill?

  22. fascinated

    Babs… This will never be over. You really think the celebrification of yoga instructors will end? The brandification of people (check out ms. Brower’s new promo video of herself), using clothing, salesmanship, rudraksha beads (those in the vid are from his visit to india, and all his followers wear them now…its a whole new/same club)…sell sell sell sell sell… Will end? In this culture? Doubt it.

    All we can do is be real. Continue to teach and practice, and be real.

    So tell us a little more of how this post won’t get you nailed, but the last one almost did?

  23. fascinated

    And I also agree with whoever stated above that this would feel better if she changed her gig to be Wellness Coach, not yoga teacher.

    • I stated “mind-body educator”. “Wellness coach” still sounds a little too respectable (“life coach” ? puhleeeze! … for credibility’s sake, you want to always be walking that middle path …

      • Garuda

        How about Karma Coordinator?…or maybe…Dharma Director?…..or perhaps…Happy-ness Hawker.
        I am too busy starting my new brand of Yoga Inspired Deli Meats called ‘Samadhi Salami’, Bhakti Baloney, Vrksa Head Cheese, and of course I will need to sell the 9 part online course in the proper uses for these delicacies. I think I will get my spirit guide Sri Oscar Mayer to sit with me and lend spirit-ee sounding worplay to my pitch. Then add a soundtrack that will evoke even more smriti and then I can just lie back and let the cash flow in. You Know?…..YOGA

  24. O.M.F.G seriously?! If yoga teachers, who presumably, have graduated from at least a 200hr TT program, STILL need a course in how to teach beginners, then we have a much bigger problem. This makes me sick. Literally, physically ill, like, my blood pressure just shot up. Are we here to serve people, or just to be superior and look down our noses at them while shoving their cash in our pockets?!

    It’s true that tons of folks will show up in studios in January to tick off their resolutions, but rather than figure out how we can pull a fast one, why isn’t she more focused on getting our asses ready to teach these people fundamentals and safer yoga? JC, I couldn’t even finish watching the video, so apologies if she answered (re rationalized) some of these issues.

    • amphibi1yogini

      And, also, think of the perennial restarters of yoga … http://www.elephantjournal.com/2012/12/namaste-mtherfuckers-getting-over-my-shtty-judging-mind-giving-yoga-another-shot/

      or the ranks of frequent meditators (I had been one of them, as well as a restarter)

      They should be taught differently from other types of beginners … some are more spiritual than others; some are not even vegan or vegetarian (or potential vegans or vegetarians); reach them differently, if you are to teach beginners … no two beginners are alike …

      My beginners’ workshop had been pretty much a waste of time and money. Just because I was restarting. They tried several times to get me to take the workshop or the private BASED on my primarily home yoga practice. Rarely did they succeed; and finally I stopped going to that studio and never looked back.

      However, that was my story. Generally, a beginner’s series is probably not much better than a beginner’s workshop; depends on the student’s learning style.

    • karmaordharma

      ‘If yoga teachers, who presumably, have graduated from at least a 200hr TT program, STILL need a course in how to teach beginners, then we have a much bigger problem.’ Agree… together with ‘teaching fundamentals and safer yoga.’ It all comes to INTEGRITY, something these MATERIALISTIC, totally tamasic clowns lack of.

  25. Itstrue

    Everything about this video seems fake and opportunistic! It’s the same forl the celeb-yoga teachers in New York. It’s all about MORE!!! More students! More events! More likes on facebook status’s! More classes! More money! MORE MORE MORE!!!!!

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