Wanderlust Tickets Are Almost On Sale /// That’s Roughly $400 To Tap A Yoga Mom

Holy balls, lingams must be sooooo hard right now, ’cause Wanderlust tickets are almost on sale! And even better, the website has got a pic of John Friend on the front page, which means either:

A.) Wanderlust is a bunch of f’ing idiots living under a two-ton boulder and didn’t realize the dude is MIA for having been caught hiding pot money in the coochies of yoga moms the country over. (Or something like that. We’re still not quite sure)…

B.) Wanderlust puts the “lust” in Wanderlust-for-revenue by including his pic front and center in order to generate some crazy salezzzzz…

C.) John Friend is actually teaching at Wanderlust

D.) All the above

Who the funk knows?! All we know is, some hot vinyasa flowers better get in line, ’cause beautiful creepy yoga idiots are at home right now trying their hardest to perfect semen retention, just so you won’t have to worry about birth control. (Well, of course you will, ladies. But he won’t).

Sales of David Deida’s The Way of the Superior Man must be through the roof right now!

Oh, and guess what? Guess who’s playing this year? Come on…. Who else beside a bunch of lame “easytronic” DJs [we made that up, so give credit where it’s due] would rock out this festival?

Can’t figure it out?

Here’s a hint:

He will definitely tell a story about how crazy it was to hear Neem Karoli Baba tell him to “Love people” and “Serve people” when asked how to reach enlightenment.

Give up?

Ok.

Krishna Das, of course! Or as adoring sexy ladies in “om” sarongs know him, KD!

Anyway…. Hehe…. Just playin’, KD. If it weren’t for your Hanuma Chalisa I’d still be in a puddle of my own suicidal break-up tears.

I mean the dude picked up a mountain and flew it around the world ’cause he couldn’t find a couple healing herbs.

Jai Hanuman! For realz.

Now I’m getting all sorts o’ teary-eyed.