You Can’t Take it With You /// What 18 Faces of Yoga Culture Won’t Be Taking to the Afterlife

It’s a commonly held belief (unless you’re an Ancient Egyptian) that what you accumulate on this plane will not be going with you to the next. Traditional yoga philosophy (in general) tends to agree with this assessment. Even those things closest to home, our subtle identity markers, will have to go. The veils, the projections, the happy lil’ nuances of the personality. All of it. Poof. And yet, commercial yoga culture remains rife with celebrities, commodity pushers, and organizations piling on all that good-good self preservation. So, we got to thinking. With this in mind, with the days ever-shortening, and with The Walking Dead soon to be making its way onto laptops the country over: When the zombie apocalypse comes, what will the faces of contemporary Western yoga culture be leaving behind? What can’t popular yoga peoples take with them?

Below is a list of eighteen popular faces of contemporary yoga culture, each matched with the subtle aspect of the self that won’t be making its way across the eternal threshold:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

 

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

17.

18.

30 comments

  1. Bryan

    A heaven without white women IS AN OXYMORON, damnit.

  2. Yoga Dude

    This is a delightful post. Made my day.

    Thank you for your works.

  3. Itstrue

    Actually, Gurmukh will probably take that psychedelic shape with her.

  4. I LOVED this post. Funny, satirical but not nasty (for a change).

  5. Warning: Do not drink hot beverages while reading #16 and #17 of this list. LOL

  6. The P

    Thanks for the morning laugh! Good stuff here..

    I can’t take my bitterness and self righteousness over yoga injuries .. can’t take the injuries either so I guess it all works out.

  7. Linda-Sama

    so good…..

  8. Reading this post while nursing made me feel like I imagine I might feel if I WAS actually allowed to take with me these 3 things:
    1. A beach with a perfect body surfing break
    2. Those candy dispensers at movie theaters with the stale tart thingies that used to cost 25 cents but since I banned myself from getting them they’ve gone up to 50 cents.
    3. A free pass to roam the world “dirty style” which is frolicking outside and/or doing mundane househokd chores naked only from the waist down– for those of us with either very large breasts, very loose breasts (making it uncomfortable to run free with no bra), some issue with our chests but quite fine with our ass and other equipment.
    P.S. #2 and #4 are truly delightful!

    • You are insane. But, I’ll take all three, with a particular interest in #3.

      • I beg your forgiveness for I failed to include my #4. There would actually be 4 things that would complete my journey into the World of the Unknown:
        (1,2,&3 are above)
        4) An additional free pass to frolick in nature, “dirty style” (some of my people call it “sleazy style”), with YOU, The Babarazzi. You can even keep your face covered–if we still have faces on the other side.
        (But, wait…now I’m getting all nervous about what I’d like to bring across the eternal threshold….because I’d also like to see you squatting on the toilet in flannel flicking through the L.L.Bean catalog…but that’s not really “a thing” I can bring…)
        xxx

  9. AM

    Brilliant. Thanks for the humbling reminder that we are indeed, in some way, regardless of possible reincarnation, or spirit climbing, mortal.

    Nothing quite wakes you up out of your attachments like death! 😉

  10. Linda-Sama

    this should go viral in Boulder….

  11. :D

    Kaminoff/Rand FTW

  12. Seeing a lot of votes for #4. Interesting!

    Like I always tell people, “We have a very well-read, though certifiable, readership.”

  13. __mikeg__

    Who is Kelly in #16? My ignorace probably explains why the cool kids don’t speak to me.

  14. Chai Fan

    Haha..Brilliant!

  15. the moment already came

    This has been an interesting week for Babarazzi commentary!

    …nothing’s certain but death and pooping.

  16. Yoga Observer

    http://www.yoganonymous.com/yoga-airport-the-perfect-post-burning-man-practice-video/. This woman can’t take her pants or her luggage. In fact she has already lost both of them.

    • Soooo …. she was at Burning Man?

      So, she’s into art. And sharing. And sacrifice. (one would think….)

      Assuming that teacher has ever taught a single wealthy, generous, adoring, patron-of-the-arts beginner student in her entire life,she could not take that student with her …

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