Once in a while you stumble upon some yoga-related business “thing” that makes your hair stand on end with excitement. This is one of those moments, and, to put it in perspective, we haven’t been this giddy over a yoga video since the delightful Travis Eliot crossed our radar!
Introducing “Marketing Alchemist,” Chris King’s “Yoga Business Revolution.”
I hope you’ve got your jock trap on, ’cause you’re about to have your balls kicked in by some of the most strung out “conscious capitalism” since Elephant Journal‘s Waylon Lewis told his first unsuspecting victim he was a Buddhist.
In all seriousness, there’s actually too much to write about here. It feels like every sentence out of Chris King’s mouth has some piece of beautiful fuck-tard douche nozzle marketing advice…. I’m just totally overwhelmed. This stuff is almost too good! I mean, within the first twenty seconds homeboy has already tried to tie together the act of selfless “service” with personal “abundance,” which, of course, you “deserve.” Oh. Did you know that? Did you know you “deserve” to be abundant? You deserrrrrrrrrrrve it. Why? Because “you help so many people,” and therefore “you deserve to have everything you need, everything you WANT, in this life.”
I honestly never expected to see “service,” that stand-in for karma yoga, to act like such a commodity in such a desperate way. Really, how did “service” become some sort of coked up yuppie mind-fuck covered in crack house needles?
I feel like I’m watching some guy compete in a jerk-off competition. And, not the kind where you’re challenged to act like a jerk off. The kind that involves your hand and your penis.
And, then there’s all this wasted marketing language found on the site:
“Nothing wakes people up faster to their true potential than the practice of yoga.” [FALSE]
“You have the power to change the world.” [THAT’S ANNOYING]
“But first, you’ve got to get people into the studio.” [CHA-CHING]
“You deserve total abundance and freedom.” [NO YOU DON’T]
“You deserve to make more than enough money.” [LOL. THAT’S AWESOME]
“You deserve to live your dream lifestyle.” [THAT’S INSANE AND GROSS]
“You deserve to spend your time doing what YOU want to do.” [THAT’S PROBABLY THE WORST THING I’VE EVER HEARD]
What’s the deal with all this “deserve” stuff? Who are these people that are so deserving? Judging by the demographics of the average yoga practitioner in America—that 66% of practitioners earn between $75,000–$100,000 a year—I think these people have been reaping the benefits of “deserve” for some time now. Wouldn’t you say? Might “deserve” be code of “entitled to?” Ahh, I pooh pooh in its general direction.
As for the rest of you…. Love your neighbor. Take care of your self.
Thanks to one of our readers for the tip.