Got yourself knocked up and popped out an Indigo Child dressed in the flesh of cosmic divinity? Great. But, that doesn’t mean it can do yoga.
“Ommmmmmmm…. Inhaaaaaale your baby up over your head. Exhaaaaaale, fold forward, and place your baby at your feet. Inhaaaaaale look up. Exhaaaaaale jump back into chaturanga. Inhaaaaaale urdhva mukha svanasana. Exhaaaaaaale adho mukha svanasana. Inhaaaaaale lift your right leg up externally rotating the hips. Exhaaaaaale step your right foot forward without kicking your child in the face. Inhaaaaaale come to terms with the fact that you’re obsessed with your child. Exhaaaaaale stop thinking your baby should somehow be a part of a sun salutation.”
Listen. The “terrible twos” are a nightmare. That’s why God invented desert islands. Once those kids learn how to form rival clans and exchange brides like currency, then you can bring them back home just in time to start the “awful fours,” at which point they will serve as daily reminders of just how out of control life really is. And, isn’t that a darn good thing? Now turn on the video camera, and do that crazy thing you do, girl.