Are Those Malas Meant To Cover Your Nipples?

Just because the young hottie at the back of this month’s Yoga (Is A Pawnshop) Journal has got an insanely rockin’ body under all that unnecessary clothing (you go, girl!), doesn’t mean we understand why people insist on forever doing yoga in “quirky” places.

I mean, really. What’s the deal with that?!

  1. It usually looks terribly uncomfortable.
  2. Most of the time it comes off as being utterly pretentious (think: salamba sirsasana at the Wailing Wall).
  3. The last thing I feel like doing while walking down the beach checking out this year’s J-Wowws-to-be (Please, if there is a God, let this be so!) is bust out a beach blanket titibasana that’s almost certainly going to land me in the clink for sexual harassment.

Don't get excited. This isn't one of us.

But the real question is—the debate that continues to rage on in the comment sections of yoga blogs the world over—is whether or not those mala beads are strategically placed in order to cover up a potential nip tent?

It’s hard to say, but we think that if you look real close…

…it’s possible to see a bit of stretch occurring right around the sacred areola region, which tells us (in our best salty seafaring voice) that “The wind she was a’ blusterin’ on that angry California morn’.”

I’ll admit. It’s a potentially slick move to use a mala to cover the Peeping Tinas of the world. Lord knows that’s probably more use than most malas get around this yoga scene we all love and cherish. But, did you have to go ahead and replace the nippy with the big fluffy fat red “guru knot?” I mean, yeah, a pair of killer breasts can definitely take you from the darkness to the light, but come on…. This is a little much, no?

And they say we’re a bunch of freaks!

_____________________

[Ed.: We debated long and hard as to whether to put a link to the model’s website and pass along some of our hits to her for being such a good sport. However, the young lady pictured does a lot of work with kids, and the last thing we want is for some innocent pure-hearted 11-year-old to get corrupted by our dirty minds. So, we apologize, DW, for being unable to “share the wealth” on this one. Keep up the great work, and keep on being as sexy as ever!]

11 comments

  1. Greenpoint

    What is nice:
    a. DW most certainly looks beautiful
    b. the setting is interesting, striking
    c. essentially the photo is very, very nice to look at

    What isn’t nice: “….I saw the remains of a fallen tree and it almost looked like a giant piece of coral. I felt inspired to play…” ok, that’s enough…

    Point being that if one is forced to look at a YJ, do NOT, under any circumstances, read anything contained therein….just look at the pretty pictures…that is all

  2. down1down1dawg

    “do NOT, under any circumstances, read anything contained therein….just look at the pretty pictures…”

    this is a lesson learned long ago by many when looking at “the pretty pictures” of Playboy centerfolds.
    “favorite hobby?” …. “why yoga of course!”

  3. TheGreatDestroyer(ofCupcakes)

    I don’t think it was for nip coverage. The possible nip tent is a shadow from the knot in my opinion.
    However, thankyou for the reminder that Mala beads are not a fashion accessory! After reading this post I promptly took my mala beads off of my neck in embarrassment. I think my face even got red for a moment. Sometimes having them close is a nice reminder to do japa, and to take care throughout the day. The beads are full of meaning for me, how can I be careless in my actions when I’m wearing them? that sort of idea. respect the beads!

  4. Omiya

    People need to realize that in India, malas are sacred. They are probably the predecessor of rosaries. My grandmother prays with hers (and that is all it is used for). So the prolific use of malas as trendy jewellry in the Western world is definitely one of my pet peeves…(nice to have this site for little yoga rants!)

  5. Omiya

    Though wearing them in this way is cool:
    “Sometimes having them close is a nice reminder to do japa, and to take care throughout the day. The beads are full of meaning for me, how can I be careless in my actions when I’m wearing them? that sort of idea. respect the beads!”
    I think can be worn as “jewellery” if they are worn with proper intent and respect (because I wear them on my wrist or around my neck too!)

  6. this is a photo of me and I can tell you for a fact that the malas were not to cover my nipples. honestly this is all so ridiculous I am trying not to be offended and demeaned by your zooming in/ gawking of my breasts. And I meant no offense to the tree, they naturally fall in this location 😉

    • Hi, Denise! Thanks for visiting. I hope you don’t take offense. It’s all in good fun. We weren’t “gawking” as much as we were investigating. Stick around and have fun.
      —Eds.

  7. thanks Babarazzi for the reply. you article didn’t upset me nearly as much as the Yoganonymous. I don’t take myself that seriously that I can’t enjoy a little satire

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