No offense, Yoganonymous, but are you, like, currently on a shit-ton of fad-drugs and highly caffeinated energy drinks? I mean, “Heli-Yoga?” Are you really shilling for this?
From the August 9th article “Heli-Yoga: What It Is & Why You Should Try It:”
“Heli-yoga proves that yoga isn’t just for relaxation and inner-peace, it can also be exciting enough to thrill even the most die-hard active junkies and adventure addicts. Even when the invigorating helicopter ride comes to a halt, the scenery provides a rush on its own, and there’s nothing like the fresh mountain air to remind you that this is no ordinary yoga experience.”
One thing I LOVE about Yoganonymous is that sometimes they write the exact same article we would have written, only their articles are almost always serious. It’s really quite astounding. Check it:
“Even in the quietest, most ambient yoga studios, there’s always a distraction; whether it’s the noise of traffic in the distance or a flickering light bulb, it’s practically impossible to experience complete liberation while trapped indoors.”
Like, we would’ve written the same thing, only we would’ve been making fun of something. How comical is that??? Come on, Yoganonymous, why isn’t there any humor in this? Here I was reading this *thing* thinking, Hahaha…. Ok, I get it. This is satire. Any minute now there’s gonna be a punchline and all that rage brewing inside my tiny reptilian brain is gonna be the fool in all this. Any minute now. I’m sure it’s coming soon….
Apparently, this advertisement in the guise of an article is just another thin layer of the ever-far-reaching surface most yoga “lifestyle journalism” pieces seem to skate along.
Anyway, just a quickie to show how ridiculous even one paragraph of this “article” is:
1. “Even in the quietest, most ambient yoga studios, there’s always a distraction; whether it’s the noise of traffic in the distance or a flickering light bulb, it’s practically impossible to experience complete liberation while trapped indoors.”
This is a most reductive and uninformed statement completely ignoring the nature of “distractions,” their use-value, and how running from such things is a prescription for a weak, self-serving, yoga practice. This sentence alone should preclude anyone from actually having to ever give a hampster’s nipple about anything Yoganonymous says about yoga.
2. “And we all know, workout DVDs just don’t cut it these days, especially when there are so many opportunities to experience open-air nirvana.”
First, jumping back-and-forth between the concept of “yoga” and the concept of “workout” is just awesome! Second, DVDs work for people who they work for. No sense in making people feel bad about it. Some people don’t have access to helicopters and real live teachers. You work with what you got.
3. “Many yoga activists enjoy taking class outdoors, as you’ve probably seen in parks around your neighborhood, but few have used yoga as an opportunity to travel to the top of a mountain.”
Well, seeing as yoga asana doesn’t really involve much hiking or kayaking, I suppose you’re right. I’ve never used yoga to climb a mountain. I usually just use a good pair of shoes and a cool-ass day pack. Unless, of course, you’re talking about karma yoga-ing up a mountain to bring some random sherpas some iPads (which would, ironically, be the end of sherpas). But, you and I both know no one really digs that kind of yoga. Too “open-eneded.” That is, unless you’re talking about karma yoga-ing the front desk at a yoga studio and it comes with some free yoga classes.
4. “While this extreme destination activity has been around for the past decade, it’s still a well-kept secret among yogis.”
Wait. I actually don’t know what this means…. Are you saying people who practice yoga are unaware of helicopters and mountains? Is that true? Or, are you suggesting that people who practice yoga have been ignoring the fact that they could rent a helicopter to take them to the top of the mountain to do yoga? Is that what you’re saying? Maybe said yoga practitioners didn’t think of renting a helicopter to take them to the top of a mountain to do yoga, because it’s totally
Ugh. This is hurting my brain! Will someone please tell me this is all a joke? Can I please ignore this and go back to web-searching some seriously transgressional porn? I mean, this is just some helicopter tour company yoga bleaching the undies off a spiritual tradition to sell more helicopter rides, right?
yoga bleaching: 1. a form of marketing in which yoga or an image of yogic lifestyle is used to make an otherwise unrelated product appear to be in line with yogic principles. 2. the act of using yoga or an image of yogic lifestyle to sell an unrelated product. 3. a form of spin or marketing intended to deceive consumers into believing that a product is related to yogic practice or theory when in fact it is not.