NIYAMA YAMA #1: The Morning After

Everyone knows the *real* reason we do yoga is to either make up for something we did the day before, or make a preemptive move against something crummy we’re about to do today. Here’s both how, and how not, to handle the morning after.

YAMA (DON’T)

-7

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that if you do a quick “Bird of Paradise” before you do the walk of shame across Aspen and hit the slopes, that last night’s mixed bag of shotgunning hash, anal-play, and accidentally sexting your brother will somehow be magically erased from the Akashic Records. But, check it, ninja. Their ain’t enough siddhis in India to make next Easter any less awkward. Bring a buffer friend and keep telling yourself your brother isn’t acting any weirder than normal.

NIYAMA (DO)

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

It was two-thirty in the morning, and you and her were the only people left in the bar—shit-face drunk while “accidentally” brushing up against each other’s legs. It was your first all-expenses-paid business trip with your new firm, and tomorrow was a moonday. So, you did the obvious thing and rocked it Don Draper style. But, as we know, the body doesn’t lie, and the morning after was a bit “messy.” So, here’s a lesson to all those who take their moondays “beyond the max”: Penance is always best served naked with a side of tighty-whiteys. Take it like a man and get the job done. Tomorrow’s a new day.

____________________

Thanks to one of our comrades for the find.

____________________

Be sure to check out our weekly yoga culture DOs and DON’Ts every Wednesday!!!

____________________

With a humble nod to VICE.

7 comments

  1. Yoga_Dude

    I noticed you didn’t capitalize ninja. Subtle…nice.

  2. Itstrue

    This is so great and ridiculously funny. More please.

  3. Garuda

    Now, from Maha Garuda
    The revolutionary new answer to the morning after blues.
    Introducing The Kali Commode.
    Ready to support you as you purge all of those regretful smriti moments from last night. Available in any of the following colors: Vishnu Violet, Shiva Scarlet, Ganesha Red, and Krazy Krishna Kowbell Blue.
    Be the first one in the Kula to cop a squat and enjoy the refreshing Baba-Bidet as you Om your way through the Tequilla Tapas. Remember, It’s a fine line between Saturday night and Sunday Morning. Mea Culpa never felt soooo gooood. OOOOOOOMMMMMMMMG!

  4. I would suggest those are the facile, not real, reasons for practicing yoga, but, in our brave new age…

  5. I think I have been watching too much C-Span and not enough of the Daily Show…

Commentary....

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: