YogaNation Still Super Lame /// Atheists Still Funny

As you know, we’ve been more or less MIA for the past two-plus months. And, wouldn’t you know it, some things just don’t seem to change! Unless we’re talking about our good friend “YogaNation On Tour,” ’cause that shit is all sorts of revved up and ready to go.

Here are the ways in which YogaNation on Tour has blossomed since our last post:

1. NEW WEBSITE

Screen Shot 2013-10-08 at 4.58.10 PM

Nothing says “Let’s rock!” like a brand new website. Out is the pink barf Pepto Bismol motif of yesteryear. In is the vegetarian diarrhea palate of yesterday morning after a drunken late-night threesome in a beer-flooded corner followed up by a double-order of diner grilled cheeses. Seriously. Who the fuck is working the Photoshop paint bucket? The same angry employee who put a dick on the cover of the Little Mermaid?

Penis

____________________

2. USE OF THE TERM “FAMILY”

Screen Shot 2013-10-08 at 4.58.10 PM copy

Anyone within a hundred miles of *this* little scenario…

968797_10151648836374697_956468983_n

—that is, DTF having a megaphone placed anywhere within arm’s reach, which is essentially the same as giving cupcakes to a mouth-rotting sugar fiend—knows that Dana Flynn LOVES to use the word “family” when referring to, well…more or less anyone who can stand glitter. So, it should be no surprise to see this little word from a 72-hour rave twenty years ago popping up in the “YogaNation on Tour” verbiage. Nothing says “not-quite-subliminal cross-marketing” like tagging up the place with your own slogan.

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3. DEREK BERES IS THE NEW DAVID REGELIN

And, finally this.

Screen Shot 2013-11-20 at 10.05.01 AM

Taking the place of Mr. Grumpy Von Grumpy-pants (psst, that’s code for David Regelin) is everyone’s favorite yoga bro, Derek Beres, who also happens to be a pretty solid writer. Tell you what…. This is the one that almost got us to start writing again way back when it happened. Of course, we had to keep dousing our lingams with icy Ganga water just to calm down, but it was certainly tough to resist. But, we did. But, now here we are. Unfortunately, this Beres-on-Tour biz just is what it is. I guess the only thing to take from this is the knowledge that New Yorkers who move to LA become significantly less interesting the moment their once cool kicks hit the sweltering pavement.*

Oh yeah! And, this, my friend….

db-flow-play

…is starting to look a lot like this….

ultimate_yogi_best_dvd_-slider_1

Looks like The Ultimate Yogi has some new competish. Be sure to glove up, gentlemen.

____________________

*It’s worth noting that if you move to LA from any of the other fifty states, (with the exception of Alaska, Hawai’i, Washington, or Colorado) than doing so is an OK move. But, NYC to LA? Shiz is whack.

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40 comments

  1. Chai Fan

    Welcome Back doo doo dooooo doo…(pathetically trying to “write” the Welcome Back Kotter theme…) And yes, a megaphone is really only fun for the person using the megaphone. Not so much for everyone else, one could be reminded of some kind of nerve-wracking emergency.

  2. Maha Garuda

    I was just starting to feel good about myself. Then Baba stepped up and I can clearly see how not awesome the Maha Garuda is. The haircuts alone have me at a disadvantage. Now where did I leave the keys to my yoga cave?
    I think the self promotion is fine but the impression I am getting is that Yoga Nation is declaring all out civil war right at the rest of the yoga nationals. I say we ,,,The Few , The Proud, The Baba- Radicals take back our beloved streets and send these poser back to where they came from, the back row at dance class.

  3. Shiz Yah

    You must have some psychic siddhis because I was just perking up to the thought of a post comin in hot any day now.
    Or maybe I’m the one with psychic abilities?
    Ahhh such are the paradoxical complexities of higher consciousness.

  4. Zodiyack

    Derek Beres, the poor man’s MC Yogi.

    • Greenpoint

      and that’s not a compliment…

      • amphibi1yogini

        You beat me to it … but I was going to actually say “the thinking man’s MC Yogi”

        • Nick is a solid cat. Especially enjoy how much time he’s been spending devoting his energy to charity, like the Boulder flood relief show he did last week with Drez. I’m only a DJ, though, so not sure the comparison is apt, given that I don’t really write in rhyme, but definitely glad to share a label with him.

          • Itstrue

            Buddy. You guys all love the charity show and tell. I think it’s great to do charity work , but lets not forget how gratifying it is for the ego too. You guys love being the too cool for school yoga dudes. But well done for helping out. For realz.

  5. Meta Theta

    An arrogant, atheistic MC Yogi. Poor man indeed

  6. the moment already came

    Welcome Back!
    This is how I feel: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MpryyCgFjI

  7. Linda-Sama

    welcome back, AB! wow, after reading about Yoga Nation and an Ultimate Yogi, I feel like such a loser. my poor students!

  8. Greenpoint

    these new avatars are awesome!…

  9. Thaddeus

    I’m only commenting so that I can get my new avatar, and so that I can say how much I missed you, and finally, to let you know you still need some work on the “then, than” controversy. Keep at it…you’ll get.

  10. gross

    ewe. this derek shiz is lame. he is a total sellout.

  11. Zodiyack

    Some of Derek’s latest tweets:
    “Quinoa crunch wrap.”
    “Sweet corn chowder. W/cashew cream.”
    Prolific purveyor of vegan platitudes.

    • Both were delicious. Really happy that an ex-CEO of McDonald’s could put his money and efforts into opening an organic, predominantly vegan/vegetarian establishment with quality food. I will definitely promote it more in the future when I visit.

      If you wanted something more substantial on veganism, I write plenty on that as well: http://bigthink.com/21st-century-spirituality/lululemon-and-the-ghosts-in-our-machine

      But thanks for following me on Twitter!

      • Zodiyack

        Glad to hear the ex CEO of McDonalds found a new way to line his pockets. For the record, I follow no one on twitter, but saw the feed after clicking on the link to your website.

      • Maha Garuda

        I find it interesting that the essay drops a bomb on Lulus CEO for talking about Women’s bodies. But the dude was speaking about women’s bodies as they relate to Lulu clothing. Now you lump him in with Rob Ford? Psh! Ahimsa has nothing to do with Veganism. Patanjali was speaking about meditative practices. So he was likey more concerned with what was coming out of the mouth, not what was going into it. History doesn’t provide a clear link to conflate the two.

        • The Rob Ford was merely a link that both men sink themselves further and further into it every time they’ve spoken publicly lately. Wasn’t that deep or meant to tie anything more together. And I completely disagree that ahimsa has nothing to do with veganism. I do agree that that might not have been the intention of Patanjali (if such a person with that name existed), but I also think we have to evolve concepts as pertaining to our society now, not how it was centuries or millennia ago. With 70 billion animals being killed yearly for food consumption, animal testing and so on, I think we need to care a little bit more than about our own time in meditation.

          • Zodiyack

            Derek, are your tattoos vegan?

          • Maha Garuda

            Oh I see. You are making a moral judgment on non vegans. Well thats ok I guess. its an awfully lofty perch with rampant starvation in the world eh?. A poverty line that prohibits selection, and a homeless man who sleeps in his shoes probably would be considered “Untouchable” in the circles you run, Eh? and I serve in a “Yoga Inc” world that insists on superimposing its belief system all over a practice that, at its source, NEVER even mentions Veganism. But profess on if it sells a cd or two. Fuck the starving, we got an image to maintain.

          • Zodiyack

            ‘The Los Angeles-based author, yoga instructor, and creator of Equinox’s Flow Play estimates that at least one-third of his body is covered in tattoos. “Since I was a teenager I’ve loved body art and the idea that you can create a gallery of your body,” Beres says. “The most labor intensive took 35 hours. My entire back is Natraj, Shiva in dancer’s form. It’s connected by a series of flames that goes over my right shoulder and turns into Ganesha, which covers a portion of my chest. I’ve always been drawn to this iconography from my years of studying yoga, so I decided this would be my major work.”’

            (Source: Well + Good NYC)

      • Nick

        Thanks for commenting Derek, you seem thoughtful. This article you link to is interesting.
        Might want to edit this link within your article. You link to the below article:

        http://www.greenisthenewred.com/blog/washington-eco-terrorism-law-free-speech/2514/

        The article you link to refers to a bill that (VERY fortunately) did not make it out of committee. It appears in the seventh paragraph of your article, linked to the words “treated as terrorists.” America has no shortage of laws that oppress the rights of the individual at the benefit of big business, I’m sure you can find an example that made it out of committee if you want your article to remain current.

        I hope you keep reading and commenting here. I’d love to see more of your writing. Heck, I might even seek it out on the train or something.

        Those of us who rely on Cholecystokinin to give us the feeling of satiety and satisfaction we need to get through our day tend to be cranky when we hear meat eating criticized. Please don’t let the fact that we’re a cranky bunch dissuade you from attempting to engage in meaningful discourse with us. J Brown had a fantastic discussion on one of these articles, but I find most of the people who are featured here and comment tend to avoid meaningful discourse.
        Personally, I’m all for the promotion of ubiquitous, affordable vegan foods that taste good and offer good nutrition.

        • Thank you for your catch Nick, will go back into the piece today. I’m a big fan of this site and not at all surprised by this post, as I expressed to Aghori on Facebook. I’m all good with criticism (and cranks), but yes, I agree that meaningful is the key word. I have my reasons for joining this tour and have longstanding relationships with everyone on it, but no one asked me about that—most comments just went right for the jugular without want of a discourse. One-offs about my tattoos are useless to me, but your catch on my piece is greatly appreciated, so thank you.

          • Zodiyack

            Derek, as a proponent of veganism I would think that the subject of tattoo ink being made from animals would be of interest to you.

          • Hey Zodiyack, I have not got any work done since becoming fully vegan. But you raise a good point, and I will be researching this should I get any more work done. Thanks…

  12. The P

    Welcome back!!

  13. Itstrue

    Derek, oy vey, you are hooking up with yoganation. everyone is gonna have a say about what you do. It’s like US weekly, dont ya know. This is what happens in the celebrity yoga world. You gotta get used to it. You are in show business now. Yoga shows for all to see !

  14. gross

    its sad though that derek is taking the flack here when the real awesome thing in this post is the dana w/ megaphone w/ a disapproving smile by her ex. really classic. derek doesn’t seem THAT bad actually, but interesting that he’s all about the collab w/ YNation grossness.

  15. novecho

    Like Bruce Jenner and the Kardashions?

  16. yoni

    You are still an asshole, babayoni

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