Is there something in the water over here in the NYC, or what?! Four days into the week and we have four posts about, or containing references to, ninjas. I’m not really sure how that happened. It’s not like I’m terribly enthralled with ninjas. Nor am I particularly obsessed with martial arts. I guess I just got ninjas on the brain. And so what if yesterday I was Googling “ninja yoga” just to see what might come up. Turns out, not much.
Not much except this hot line of yoga clothing called “Yoga Ninja, which unfortunately has nothing to do with ninjas. Unless you consider capri pants fairly ninja. I mean, the “Stealth Capris” pictured below do possess an uncanny ability to make invisible any semblance of ass you once thought you had….
Where once there was form, now there is none. That’s pretty ninja.
Then we have the “Shapeshifter Shrug,” a multi-use piece of cloth, which you can wear on your back while you stick your newly occulted ninja rump far out into an unseeing world….
Which, if the Stealth Capris aren’t doing their job, you can also wear over your ass when you’re standing in a corner….
Or, you can choke yourself with it….
Or better yet, you can Hunchback of Notre Dame yourself with it…
…while going through someone else’s mail looking for the Sudoko in the back of someone else’s newspaper.
But, let’s be real. Everyone knows that being a ninja is all about accessorizing. You know, satchels of potions, throwing stars, nunchucks, poison darts. You’d expect a ninja clothing line to help a sister out, right?
Wrong. Just check out this empty screenshot from the online Yoga Ninja store….
Not even a stinkin’ ninja tumbleweed blowing by….
And, for the fellas?
Two lousy muthafuckin’ t-shirts.
Not to play the gender card here, but I kinda feel like bros should represent a little stronger. I mean, they kinda ran that whole ninja racket back in the day. It’s just not right to give them nothing but a couple of future rags to sop up the leaky kitchen sink with.
That’s totally not ninja.