Yoga Ninja Clothing /// That’s Right More Mutha Effing Ninja Stuff

ninjas!

Is there something in the water over here in the NYC, or what?! Four days into the week and we have four posts about, or containing references to, ninjas. I’m not really sure how that happened. It’s not like I’m terribly enthralled with ninjas. Nor am I particularly obsessed with martial arts. I guess I just got ninjas on the brain. And so what if yesterday I was Googling “ninja yoga” just to see what might come up. Turns out, not much.

Not much except this hot line of yoga clothing called “Yoga Ninja, which unfortunately has nothing to do with ninjas. Unless you consider capri pants fairly ninja. I mean, the “Stealth Capris” pictured below do possess an uncanny ability to make invisible any semblance of ass you once thought you had….

2013-SF-7-2

Where once there was form, now there is none. That’s pretty ninja.

Then we have the “Shapeshifter Shrug,” a multi-use piece of cloth, which you can wear on your back while you stick your newly occulted ninja rump far out into an unseeing world….

Screen shot 2013-05-22 at 12.14.11 PM

Which, if the Stealth Capris aren’t doing their job, you can also wear over your ass when you’re standing in a corner….

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Or, you can choke yourself with it….

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Or better yet, you can Hunchback of Notre Dame yourself with it…

Screen shot 2013-05-22 at 12.14.44 PM

…while going through someone else’s mail looking for the Sudoko in the back of someone else’s newspaper.

But, let’s be real. Everyone knows that being a ninja is all about accessorizing. You know, satchels of potions, throwing stars, nunchucks, poison darts. You’d expect a ninja clothing line to help a sister out, right?

Ninja_Gear

Wrong. Just check out this empty screenshot from the online Yoga Ninja store….

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Not even a stinkin’ ninja tumbleweed blowing by….

And, for the fellas?

Screen shot 2013-05-22 at 12.15.48 PM

Two lousy muthafuckin’ t-shirts.

Not to play the gender card here, but I kinda feel like bros should represent a little stronger. I mean, they kinda ran that whole ninja racket back in the day. It’s just not right to give them nothing but a couple of future rags to sop up the leaky kitchen sink with.

That’s totally not ninja.

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11 comments

  1. grumpycat

    Hey marketing people: surely there’s a future for #10 in the accessories department? But what do I know, I just riffle other people’s newspapers for the sudoku

  2. Look again

    There are actually 11 ninjas in that screenshot.

    Well done, ninjas. Well done.

  3. Yoga_Dude

    “Everyone knows that being a ninja is all about accessorizing.”

    That was funny. Really really funny.

  4. Babs, when are you gonna do a post on the Shaolin monks and their secret superhero powers which Sadie wants so that she can become the next female Bruce Lee?

  5. the moment already came

    The butt ruffles on those stealth capris make it look like her ass is eating her pants. Could this be the radiance Arjuna saw when he said to Krisha, “Oh Lord, you lap the world into your burning mouth and swallow it!”

  6. Garuda

    Horizontal butt pleats…who knew that someone could make yoga pants look so bad-ass? And by bad-ass I mean making a perfectly normal butt look just silly.

  7. Garuda

    Not really sure but I suspect that Sadie will take credit for this video

  8. The thing is, objects–clothes at the very least–should be either useful or beautiful. If they’re both, that’s a home run.
    These thingies, however, are neither beautiful nor actually useful. WTF

  9. Pingback: What I’m Listening To… | Lila

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