Kelly Morris Adds to the Yoga Clothing Trash Heap With…Wait for It…MORE Yoga Clothing! /// PLUS: A Short Comic Strip

We had heard there was a new line of yoga clothing on the horizon, and obviously our nipples were the hardest they had ever been. Then we found out that none other than Kelly Morris was behind the scenes on this event, and, well, needless to say no one got any sleep that night at the Baba HQ. [wink wink honk honk]

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The clothing line is called Lion Hyde (because branding requires that you “link” all projects to a single source. Here, Kelly Morris’ Conquering *Lion* Teacher Trainings). The stuff is pretty much what you’d expect from a yoga clothing line, and carries all the required titles like “Varanasi Longsleeve” and “Calcutta Tee.”

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Why in God’s name they made the Calcutta Tee in pink, I have no idea. Two days in the Land of Kali and that shiz is gonna be black and covered in paan spit.

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I’m also always surprised when yoga clothing companies make shirts with “spaghetti straps” and name them after places where, if you wore a shirt with spaghetti straps, you’d be, like, the dumbest sucka MC known to Krishna.

Anyway, the website’s copy for the shirts is pretty standard fare:

“Hyde is proud to present our first ever capsule collection: LionHyde by Kelly Morris, founder & director of Conquering Lion Yoga/NYC.”

What’s a “capsule collection,” and why is it important to have one?

“LionHyde features four essential pieces in soft, light-weight 100% organic cotton with colors inspired by Mother India.”

Hmmm…. Essential? I doubt it. And, “Mother India?” Really? As far as I can tell from looking at Kelly, I’m thinking more like cold damp WASPy “Mother Europe.”

“These pieces perfectly complement our line of practice wear and invite you to take the comfort and ease of Hyde off the mat and into the rest of your day.”

Required mention of taking yoga “off the mat?” CHECK.

“Conquering Lion Yoga donates all proceeds from this collection to the Yoga Freedom Project, a non-profit whose mission is to unite, educate and mobilize the global yoga community around the issues of injustice and violence against women and children.”

Well, this is good I suppose. Although, it’s sort of a throwaway statement, as there is no way in Odin’s “Helheim” the “global yoga community” (of which there is none) is going to “mobilize” around anything, accept, maybe buying camisoles.

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In case you haven’t guessed, this clothing line is basically the same exact clothing line as every other yoga clothing line out there. Chances are you’ve already got most of this stuff overflowing out of your top drawer. Problem is, none of those pieces come with a tough pro-global-woman pitch straight from the whitest white girl you’ve ever seen! Nor do your tank tops come with some sexy photos of K Morris looking as if she’s ready to pounce on her sweet companion:

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I know the photos above are supposed to invoke some sort of Red Tent “Let’s bleed our period blood on some rocks in the woods” vibe, but they really do read more like a prequel to some sorority girl pillow fight that’s about to go viral. Truth be told, I’m way more interested in the former (Earth Mama “blood meal”), but will definitely settle for the latter.

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Thanks to one of our readers for the find. 

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25 comments

  1. Sicko!!!!
    Love it like a cray beach would

  2. Greenpoint

    just another “accident” that one just can’t take their eyes away from in the mainstream commercial yoga world…that KM is sure one angry white girl…excellent and creative use of the photo “montage”, maybe you should develop a “comic strip” type of concept regularly?
    and when is the next podcast thingie?

    • Ahhh, the podcasts! We simply have not been able to get that together. We’ve got some outtakes that I’m meaning to put up, but nothing official as of yet.

      Had really wanted the p’casts to happen. Still hoping they will.

  3. itstrue

    Holy shit! This is very funny. And why does Kelly Morris hate men so much? I don’t get it. Once again, she has such a poor understanding of what it means to be Feminine. It’s not about The MAN! This is all just so silly.

  4. Linda-Sama

    “colors inspired by Mother India”? except for the orange, those are weak ass colors. Colors inspired by Mother India would be hot pink, fuschia, neon greens, bright yellows, intense blues, deep purples. and I agree with you about how one ends up looking in the Land of Kali!

    using India to sell yoga shit to the yoga masses. original. ;)

  5. Is it just me or does anyone else here find this beyond insulting?
    First off at those quoted US dollars prices, there would only be a handful of citizens from those aforementioned cities who would be able to buy this crapola. Not only that but most of India’s upwardly mobile are all into Big Time “brand names” (think Gap, Abercrombie and Fitch, American Apparel etc.)
    And then there’s the city naming to give it “Indian cred”. I dunno, but what if someone in India or Bangladesh started producing “Fat Ass Mississippi Underpants”, the “Detroit Black Gangsta Hoodie”, the “Skinny White New York City Ho Short shorts”
    Everything about this reeks like paan spittle.

  6. Garuda

    I personally feel inspired by this. It makes me want to bring to market my own line of:
    “Rishi Hemorrhoid Cream”
    …Now in Soothing Sandalwood scent. After a long day of sitting, nothing could make your holiness feel better than this delightful Bhava Bum Balm. The Mula Bundha will thank you…Oh Yeah I almost forgot…NAMASTE.

  7. jorge

    “Two days in the Land of Kali and that shiz is gonna be black and covered in paan spit.”

    !!!

    maybe its called the ‘calcutta’ because that’s where the factory this shirt gets manufactured is? accurate labeling is totally in right now.

    it’s always interesting to me to see how they tie these things back in to some cause to save the world. reading the first few paragraphs of this i was shocked that it didn’t mention some cause and that this might just be a clothing line! sure enough though, it wraps it up with the guilt sell tactic. you do care about injustice and violence in the world, don’t you!? it always seems to me that even with some amount of good intention behind doing something like giving proceeds to charity….or the global yoga community(?), there is always a link back in to building the empire of whatever person/company/brand is producing the overpriced junk. sk- sk- sketchy and the jets, if you ask me. it also begs the question, why do we need this stuff in the first place? why not just find a way to raise money for whatever cause you are in to rather than having some one dish out $45-65 plus shipping for a shirt that’s clearly going to fall apart after a handful of washes(forget even a handful of washes if you have a somewhat regular practice). cut out the manufacturing/shipping/bullshitting costs to produce more stuff you don’t actually need and just give the money directly to those groups who actually need it. it can be that simple. preaching to the choir, i know…..

    my personal line of yoga clothes usually comes from the thrift store. i get so pissed too when i find a bomb shirt and they try to nail me for like $6 for it, knowing full well my material oriented mind can’t resist the american apparel stretchy soft fabric with a print of a zebra on it. i take my yoga off the mat too by cutting the sleeves off which gives me more freedom of movement and also provides great sleeve hats for the global yoga community to help end sunburned scalps and guard against cell phone radiation.

  8. mystified

    Who is Kelly Morris & why do I care?

  9. Yoga Whelp

    A poster that looks like a scene from an alien abduction? Mysterious “capsule” ensembles? Hmmm….the last sociopathic whack job that wanted us to bond with ET was the leader of the “Heaven’s Gate” cult. The entire group committed suicide in 1997 after he announced that a passing comet was actually their long-lost Mother Ship. I guess you have to give our blonde space stewardess credit. When it’s time to go, she really wants us to look our best. One question, though: Is the guava juice extra?.

  10. Garuda

    The cause of ” Violence against women and children” she is referring to is funded only after the non-profit staff has been duel compensated. This woman equates being male with being predatory and innately violent. All the while she has an undercurrent of passive aggression towards men that can all be resolved through a not for profit pajama party. Heidi Fleiss aint got nothin on this whore.

    • Garuda

      I know, I know, that comparison is harsh. The trouble is, I cant figure out if I am being unfair to KM, HF or those who sell their souls/bodies/minds for a profit everywhere.
      Trust me. I am as interested in making a buck as anyone. But to invoke the divine in order to do so, is just icky.
      Don’t forget to mention this posting to receive free shipping on your order of “Maha Garuda’s Rishi Ass Cream”

  11. Goodtimes Frisco Willy

    I must be missing where the UNION MADE label is

  12. Novecho

    The Kelly Morris marketing team
    Had to come up with a scheme
    To sell to the masses
    Of yoga babe asses
    And Developed the rishi ass cream

  13. giggity

    i can’t decide which is more hilarious – the hyde clothing line or EB becoming a “beauty ecologist”. ewwwwwwwwwwww.

  14. Does anyone know why the model’s head, in the ad photo, is wrapped in the hood? It is an unsettling finishing touch, at least to me, on a marketing banner of a fit and attractive, I assume she is attractive, American yoga person in hip yoga clothes. Why is her head wrapped up tight?

  15. Yoga Whelp

    It’s yoga’s version of a dunce cap. She wouldn’t stop talking in class, so her guru told her to go to her room, cover her head, and meditate. The aliens must have picked up on her freaky vibe, which is why they abducted her.

  16. Pingback: Yoga Clothes | yogaorder.com

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