We had heard there was a new line of yoga clothing on the horizon, and obviously our nipples were the hardest they had ever been. Then we found out that none other than Kelly Morris was behind the scenes on this event, and, well, needless to say no one got any sleep that night at the Baba HQ. [wink wink honk honk]
The clothing line is called Lion Hyde (because branding requires that you “link” all projects to a single source. Here, Kelly Morris’ Conquering *Lion* Teacher Trainings). The stuff is pretty much what you’d expect from a yoga clothing line, and carries all the required titles like “Varanasi Longsleeve” and “Calcutta Tee.”
Why in God’s name they made the Calcutta Tee in pink, I have no idea. Two days in the Land of Kali and that shiz is gonna be black and covered in paan spit.
I’m also always surprised when yoga clothing companies make shirts with “spaghetti straps” and name them after places where, if you wore a shirt with spaghetti straps, you’d be, like, the dumbest sucka MC known to Krishna.
Anyway, the website’s copy for the shirts is pretty standard fare:
“Hyde is proud to present our first ever capsule collection: LionHyde by Kelly Morris, founder & director of Conquering Lion Yoga/NYC.”
What’s a “capsule collection,” and why is it important to have one?
“LionHyde features four essential pieces in soft, light-weight 100% organic cotton with colors inspired by Mother India.”
Hmmm…. Essential? I doubt it. And, “Mother India?” Really? As far as I can tell from looking at Kelly, I’m thinking more like cold damp WASPy “Mother Europe.”
“These pieces perfectly complement our line of practice wear and invite you to take the comfort and ease of Hyde off the mat and into the rest of your day.”
Required mention of taking yoga “off the mat?” CHECK.
“Conquering Lion Yoga donates all proceeds from this collection to the Yoga Freedom Project, a non-profit whose mission is to unite, educate and mobilize the global yoga community around the issues of injustice and violence against women and children.”
Well, this is good I suppose. Although, it’s sort of a throwaway statement, as there is no way in Odin’s “Helheim” the “global yoga community” (of which there is none) is going to “mobilize” around anything, accept, maybe buying camisoles.
In case you haven’t guessed, this clothing line is basically the same exact clothing line as every other yoga clothing line out there. Chances are you’ve already got most of this stuff overflowing out of your top drawer. Problem is, none of those pieces come with a tough pro-global-woman pitch straight from the whitest white girl you’ve ever seen! Nor do your tank tops come with some sexy photos of K Morris looking as if she’s ready to pounce on her sweet companion:
I know the photos above are supposed to invoke some sort of Red Tent “Let’s bleed our period blood on some rocks in the woods” vibe, but they really do read more like a prequel to some sorority girl pillow fight that’s about to go viral. Truth be told, I’m way more interested in the former (Earth Mama “blood meal”), but will definitely settle for the latter.
Thanks to one of our readers for the find.